I can't help feeling...

we could have had it all.

Saying that the album 21 by Adele has become the soundtrack to my life this past week is such an understatement. I am living and breathing that album. She is such an amazing artist with lyrics that really speak to me. For those who are wondering, Rolling in the Deep, Turning Tables, and Take it All are the three songs that really resonated with me this week.

Enough about Adele...

It's been one week since the he ended it and one week since we've talked. I cannot believe I've had the self-control this whole week to not saying anything to him. I'm beyond proud of myself because trust me, every ounce of me wants to talk to him (even though in my previous post I said I don't ever want to talk to him again but we all know that was crap ha). How could I not want to talk to him? He was/is/who the hell knows my best friend. I could tell him anything and I miss that, so much. It kills me not knowing how is day went or how classes were or if something interesting happened at his internship. There's no denying that so much has changed between us or that he hurt me more than he can imagine but all that doesn't change my feelings toward him. It doesn't change my desire of wanting him to wrap his arms around me, melt into each other and forget this whole nightmare ever happened...

Although I do feel like I should make it known that despite all this broken heart crap I'm going through, this week has been beyond amazing. One of the best in a really long time. And I'm being completely serious. I am just so happy I have this group of people supporting and loving me through every step of this process. I could seriously cry tears of joy thinking about how much I am blessed to have these people in my life. Thank you Lord for putting these people in my life.

With that said, I am doing more than surviving this "break up". I am living my life for me, the way I want to. I'm always so concerned with other people but for once I really am taking the time to do live my life for me. I get to be selfish. And for the most part, I'm enjoying the hell out of it! I'm beyond excited to see what's next for me! God has big plans for me and I just cannot wait to get there.

Whatever future CRB and I have, I just hope that we are a part of each others lives. We can't just forget the last five years ever happened. Our relationship largely shaped us into the people we are now. He's a huge part of my life and although I don't have him now, I hope one day I can, in whatever way I can get... friendship or romantically. I hope he feels the same way. Also, I'm a firm believer that if me and him are meant to be, it will happen. And if not, well, then it won't. Either way, life moves on and I don't plan on getting left behind.

I'll love him forever. Nothing can ever change that.

--I am woman, hear me roar
:)

[Writing in here is so therapeutic and I always feel so much better after venting my feelings to the big wide internet. I don't even care if no one reads this, I do it for me, not the general public.]