Without you...

I live it up a little more everyday.

Four weeks have nearly passed since the break up and since we've even talked (that one time on the phone doesn't count). Last week was ridiculously hard, probably because I was PMSing and that means hormones are flying every where. This week, though, is a completely different story. I'm actually kind of getting used to not having him around. I've got a new routine and he's not a part of it. Strange, but I'm glad. It makes things easier.

I'm still so surprised how well I'm handling this. It's been six days since I last cried about him and that shocks me. I can't say it enough, but I really am amazed at how much I'm LIVING my life without him. I devoted five years to him and this past [almost] month I've been perfectly fine [well not perfectly but close enough] without him. I'm proud of myself for taking this time to do things for me, not sit at home being depressed [in fact, I rarely have a moment to sit and do that] and miss him. What would be the point of that? There's this song I discovered... Over It by Katharine McPhee and there's a line in the song that I couldn't agree with more, "Wanting you,to be wanting me. No that ain't no way to be." I'm really trying to focus on me, not worry what he's thinking, what he's doing, etc. because there's absolutely no point in that and I'd only be hurting myself.

I've surrounded myself with the most amazing people. I know I say this in nearly every post, but I just can't help feeling so lucky. God has truly blessed me with the greatest support group and I would not be able to get through this without them. I thank God for each and every one of them daily.

Of course I miss him and what we had. And one day I'll be able to look back at all of it and smile, but right now I try to keep him out of my head as much as possible. I'll never stop caring about him or loving him for that matter, but those feelings have been shoved into a hole in the back of my mind.

Day by day God is healing my broken heart. One day it'll be whole again, and I cannot wait. One day, I'll wake up and not think about him. One day, he'll be a distant memory and I'll be onto bigger and better things.

Is that one day here yet?

:)