I deserve the best.

The best of the best. And as much as I want to think that that's him, its not. He's far from the best. Because if he were I wouldn't be sitting here feeling this way. I wouldn't be broken, lost, scared. Again.

What kills me is that after he broke my heart the first time, against all my reservations, I let him back into my life because he told me I could trust him. Trust him not to hurt me again the way he did that night (July 29, 2011 just for reference). He said he loved me and regretted his decision. He wanted me back in his life and I believed him. I feel like an idiot but can you blame a girl for wanting to make things work? He's been my right hand for the past five years. It's hard to just dismiss that.

I am brokenhearted but I will survive. I am strong. I will get over him. And something better will come along.

It's kind of funny that I actually thought I could spend my life with him. In retrospect, he really wasn't that good to me, especially recently. I was comfortable and safe, and that's all I thought I needed. Wrong. And the way he treated me last night is unforgivable, so disrespectful and arrogant. I don't deserve to be treated like that. However, I'm glad his true colors are shinning through now before I got too invested again.

Well I can honestly say, I don't want him in my life, ever. He broke promises, broke my trust, broke my heart, broke me. The damage is unrepairable. I can never go back nor do I want to.

Now to wait for my Prince Charming. As Carrie Bradshaw once said (haha I'm a dork), "I'm looking for love. Real love. Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can't-live-without-each-other love." One day I will find that and it'll be amazing. He'll be everything I want in a man and more. He'll treat me the way I deserve, like a queen. I can't wait for that day.

For now, I'll take one day at a time. I have the most amazing support system and I thank God for them everyday. I'd be lost without all of them. It'll be hard but like I said earlier, I will move on, I will survive, I will not let this get the best of me. I am an amazing person and I should never let any boy tell me differently.

And for the record, you can't break up with me when we weren't actually together. Just saying...

--Damsel in Distress

hope dies last...<3